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One of the main stoppers I see in my clients when they want to start making decisions  that are in line with their values is the fear of being judged or not understood.

It is a very common process: They spend time in a self-discovery process understanding what is not working for them and they realise they want to make some changes. It might be leaving a partner, changing jobs, making new friends or just start new habits to take care of themselves.

They know what they want but suddenly the fear takes over: What will others think? Will they understand me? Will they support me and encourage my new decisions? Or will they judge me and criticise me? What if they reject me?

It’s normal, human nature doesn’t like uncertainty. We are more comfortable with what’s familiar. We want to keep things the way they’ve always been. Others will want you to be the way you’ve always been.

Although many times, what is familiar might not be what’s best for us.

That’s why you need to be clear on your motivation and have the right mindset.

When you know yourself, you know what you want and you know you can do it, you become unstoppable.

But it is very common to see resistance in your social circle when you start changing and feeling more empowered.

THIS IS WHAT NORMALLY HAPPENS:

You get to a point where you know you need a change.

You decide to take action and you start a self-discovery process. In my case, it happened when I was training as a therapist and I had to start my own personal therapy process. Best investment ever.

You might have some shocking realisations: Am I actually the one limiting myself? Do I have so many wounds? Do I have that many fears? Why is my Inner Critic so loud?!

So you work hard to ‘uninstall’ your limiting beliefs and create a better version of yourself.

Something clicks.

You start to integrate your new beliefs, you see things clearly, you feel so happy you’ve been through this process of growth!

So you start making decisions that are in line with your true values, you acquire new habits, you behave differently because your priorities might be different. YOU’VE CHANGED.

You feel so proud of yourself for starting all these changes that you know are so necessary for your well-being and fulfilment.

But here comes one the main difficulties: your family and friends don’t understand why you’re changing and they might have some objections to your changes.

They will probably mean well and will try to give you good ‘advice’. But by trying to protect you, they might be unconsciously projecting their own limiting beliefs onto you.

For example, one of the things that got more reactions among my circle was when I decided to start a mainly plant-based diet.

If I had got a pound for every time I heard something like “you are weird”, “you are going to get sick”, “It’s so difficult to eat out with you now” or “the TV says you have to have a balanced diet”, I would be rich by now.  My favourite part is when they try to convince you to do something because they’ve heard it on the TV. The TV. Like I had any respect for the completely manipulated and biased mainstream media.

It makes me laugh now, but it was so difficult and annoying to deal with at the time!

That’s why building confidence and connecting with your inner power is key if you want to grow and start making changes. It’s hard enough to deal with our own limiting beliefs, so imagine when others start projecting their ones at you!

Not everyone will do this of course. Most people will support you and will celebrate your achievements with you. You might even be an inspiration for some!

Also it’s always a good idea to hear advice from people you love and trust, they might see things with a different perspective and sometimes that is very helpful.

So my key message is: If you start changing, and you know it’s good for you be careful of others’ opinions.

Just remember that when you do something that goes against someone’s beliefs system, they will feel uncomfortable. But also remember that their beliefs and fears have nothing to do with you.

So be open to all ideas, but also apply a good filter:

Do I respect this person’s opinion? Would I have come to them for advice in the first place? Do I visualise myself in a better position if I follow their advice? Is their advice based on fear?

Surround yourself with understanding and supportive people and when in doubt, always follow your intuition.

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