What are healthy boundaries?
We set healthy boundaries when we put a limit or say no to someone or something that it is not in our highest interest. Healthy boundaries are necessary to take care of our physical and emotional health and also to protect ourselves from people or situations that might not have our best interests at heart.
Difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries:
Think about it as a scale where one extreme is setting too many boundaries or too strong boundaries. Sometimes we build a wall around us that over protects us, stopping us form receiving love and enjoying healthy relationships. When we are in this extreme, we can become selfish, self-centred, isolated and lonely, missing many beautiful experiences in life.
The other extreme is when we are unable to set limits or to say no. When we are in this side of the scale, we prioritise other people’s needs, trying to please everyone, making ourselves available for everyone at the expense of our own health or well-being. It is easy to get caught in toxic relationships or dinamics that are not good for us. Being in this side of the scale is exhausting!
Questions for self-reflection
Take some time to journal or reflect on how you set boundaries in your daily life.
Where are you in that scale? Do you tend to be closer to one of the two extremes? Are you in different sides of the scale depending on the person or circumstances?
For example some people feel like they are unable to set limits with their parents but become overprotective and set too many boundaries in their romantic relationships. It could be the opposite, other people might tend to give their all in romantic relationships but know very well how to set limits with their friends or family.
There is no right or wrong, and whatever comes up for you, JUST BE AN OBSERVER. We are all here to learn and grow, so just observe your patterns WITHOUT JUDGEMENT to know yourself better and understand if there is something that you would like to change.
After you have reflected about how you normally set boundaries, here are some other questions for you to reflect on:
If you are closer to the extreme of not being able to set boundaries: What is stopping you from setting the healthy boundaries you need for self-care? It could be fear of rejection, lack of self-confidence, beliefs about having to please others or other people’s needs being more important than yours. Is this a pattern that runs in the family? Were there any experiences in your life where you learnt that you had to be available for everyone except for you?
If you are closer to the extreme of setting too many boundaries: What makes you set so many boundaries? Maybe you need to overprotect yourself, you are scared of being hurt or you might have the belief that people will take advantage of you. Is this a pattern that runs in the family? Were there any experiences in your life where you learnt that to be safe you have to build a wall around you?
Becoming aware of your patterns is the first step to change them! Whatever you have identified, don’t panic and don’t judge yourself. Feel proud of yourself for taking the time to grow and improve yourself. If you would like to go deeper and let go of any of your old stories and limiting beliefs, have a look at how I can help with my 1:1 sessions.
I also recommend the meditation in the video below:
Guided Theta Healing meditation for setting healthy boundaries:
In this video, I covered the topic of how to set healthy boundaries and it includes a guided Theta Healing meditation to clear imprints limiting beliefs or programs preventing you from setting healthy boundaries.
